all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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