Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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