I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's blow job season.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
