no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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