The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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