He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
