Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
