I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
