the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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