I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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