I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
that may or may not have been my penis.
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