you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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