He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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