i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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