I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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