Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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