i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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