This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
