Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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