I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
People in love make me want to vomit
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
