Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
