I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
