a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
