I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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