Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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