I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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