Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
