What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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