you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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