Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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