Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You took a bar mat shot.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
