Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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