Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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