I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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