I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
