...so i touched it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
