worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
