Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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