I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
