There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
