How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
