Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
