Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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