My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
