you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
