So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
