just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never underestimate the power of titties
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
