this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
