It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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