nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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