You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ladies don't puke and tell
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
