You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
