I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
