Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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