i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
