whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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