1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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