My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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