He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You pole danced in your parka.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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