well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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