My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
