this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
