Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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