oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize